Being Bad

All my life, I was always the standard for my siblings (I was the middle child of three) and my siblings hated me for that. The line, "Bat di mo gayahin si Nicko?", echoed endlessly in my household. Truthfully, I wasn't even trying. I was just being myself. Were they just that bad or was I brought up to make other people happy?

I was the successful one, the accomplished one, the one people talk about and admired. Looking back now, I realized indeed I was all that, but to myself, I was nothing. None of what I did was what I wanted. I chose to be studious because that what people expected of me. I chose my course because that's what my Mom wanted. I chose to be where I am right now because I was asked to be here. I was good.

All of a sudden, when I start to decide for myself. Choose this job not that. Live here not there. Do this not that. I'm all of a sudden bad. They're not even bad choices. They're my choices. All of a sudden I'm a failure. All of a sudden I disappoint. All of a sudden, I'm bad.

Kurt summarizes everything I feel in his version of Rose's Turn. 
Like garbage discarded. 

I would have to pick myself up. All alone if I have to. If this is what being bad mean, then I'll never be good. This time though, its all me. This is my life and these are my choices. No apologies.